The Silence of the Dopes

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My fellow Americans,

Today I’d like to take a moment to talk to all of you about silence.

Some say that silence is golden.  Others say it’s a virtue.  While still others claim it’s the best way to avoid confirming one’s idiocy in the mind of others.

It seems that someone on Semi-Governor Palin’s team must truly believe the latter, because our plucky little functionally retarded conservative crusader has been conspicuously absent from the news for the last week or so.

Which is strange, because this last week has seen a growing environmental disaster from the oil spill in the gulf of Mexico, increasing agitation over Arizona’s illegal immigrant law, and an attempted terrorist car-bombing in New York’s Times Square.  And someone who wants to be taken seriously as a potential candidate for president dreams of exactly these sorts of situations, so they can capitalize on the opportunity to make the people see them as a strong, calm, and dependable leader.

Back in the mid 60’s, when I was carefully preparing my candidacy for the 1968 presidential election, there was no end to these opportunities.  Race riots were flaring up seemingly every weekend.  The war in Vietnam was beginning to become more and more a disaster.  The college kids were spreading subversion in the form of free love and drugs.  And whenever anything boiled over Nixon was there.  You didn’t see me running for cover like a frightened schoolgirl.  I was always ready to offer a word or advice or analysis, and this added a veneer of leadership to my persona that helped make the Orthogonians see me as slightly less unlikeable.

Unfortunately, these are also situations in which the less capable can destroy any aspirations they have, the way George Romney's presidential bid was ended after he muffed questions about Vietnam in '67.  And as we all saw from her unscripted interviews with Katie Couric, little Sarah-Plain-and-Small is perhaps the least capable public figure around.  In fact, having her speak would be inviting disaster.  I think, perhaps, that Sarah’s handlers realize that the best strategy is to keep her hidden. Her strength is name-calling and fear-mongering, not calm, measured reassurance.  Besides, what could she say?  That even though the Bush administration deregulation of oil companies she preaches in her "Drill, Baby, Drill!" sermons helped make the disaster in the gulf worse, opening the coasts for an orgy of speculation is still a good thing? Even worse, she would very likely burble something almost completely incoherent while winking at the camera like a boozed up skank at last call, desperate for a one-night stand.

So, perhaps in this case Sarah’s silence is a good idea.  Not only does it prevent us further confirming our suspicions about her idiocy, it also gives us all a good break from the Wasilla Half-Wit.

Nixon is: Ambivalent