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Kruschev's Korner: Mars Is Red!


Dobro yutro, Komrades!

Recently, I have been watching typical Americanski "futuristic" televisions program is name "Firefly." Is cautionary tale of dangers of corrupt Capitalist decadance, filled with many gun battles and fantasy.  Very good is character called "Niska."  Niska is typical Capitalist, selfish and cruel and makes for good example of western imperialist for to teach children about evils.  Good also are Reavers -- like Cossacks but without singing and dancing.  Both are trouble for small band of heroic revolutionaries, who fought against fascist oppressors, but must always flee from place to place from being outlaws of greedy system.

Only is one flaw with this program: Is complete fairy tale of deranged propaganda showing German central planets, with USA and China main colonists of Space.  Nyet, nyet, nyet, Mr. Whedon, this is laughable premise:  XA XA XA !!!   Everyone knows is Soviets who will prevail and settle space for better good of all mankind and bringing socialist harmony.  When is time for man to create base on Mars, it will be from socialist glory and work, not decadent capitalist blood money and advertising stickers.

And proof for this is plain as nose on face,  EVEN NOW, NASA SHUTTLE ATLANTIS IS CARRY OUT HER FINAL MISSION for Americanski Space Program!  And is only two more missions planned for ANY Americanski Shuttles:  Discovery to fly in September and Endeavor is last in November.  After November, all western astronauts will be left as beggar in streets of capitalist cities like London, and must seek transport from glorious Russian Space Agency in order to reach International Space Station.

But not to worry!  We will not leave our poor American cousins standing with thumbs out in Baikonur Cosmodrome waiting for lift.  Nyet, we will graciously help poor Americans get to space station -- for now.  Their foolish leaders have willingly lowered United States back to rank of second rate space power like Kazakhs or Italians, just as in day when Soviet Union launched Sputnik and when Yuri Gagarin became first man in space one year after.  Gone is competitions between US and Soviet rockets.  Gone even is cooperative era of Soyuz-Apollo mission. Americans give good effort but is not capable of maintaining technology and will to be in space. So now Russia now stands athwart Space like a colossus - but always with open hands to help others in spirit of sharing.

Americans once were fearless pioneers of space -- fearless in following lead set by Soviet Union in 1960 and '61.  Following even heroic Soviet dog, Laika, who is going in space before Americans. The destruction of Challenger and Columbia are testament to bravery.  Since turn of century, however, NASA has lost nerve.  Attitude today is, "Oh, no!  Third auxiliary backup toaster is broken.  Launch must be postponed."  If Russian spacecraft gets broke, cosmonauts fix with twine and chicken wire, no problem, and go. Is difference between Capitalists and Socialists: Capitalists are lazy and always looking to buy solution to problem.  But Socialists are resourceful and can manage to fix their way out of trouble with ingenuity and common sense. For decades, Americans led own space missions; but now impoverished and cowardly heads at NASA will relegate brave Americanski astronauts to being mechanics and like Uzbeki repairmen: changing batteries in Space Station.  Is sad.

до свидания до следующего времени, капиталистов!