Kruschev's Korner: Mars Is Red!

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Dobro yutro, Komrades!

Recently, I have been watching typical Americanski "futuristic" televisions program is name "Firefly." Is cautionary tale of dangers of corrupt Capitalist decadance, filled with many gun battles and fantasy.  Very good is character called "Niska."  Niska is typical Capitalist, selfish and cruel and makes for good example of western imperialist for to teach children about evils.  Good also are Reavers -- like Cossacks but without singing and dancing.  Both are trouble for small band of heroic revolutionaries, who fought against fascist oppressors, but must always flee from place to place from being outlaws of greedy system.

Only is one flaw with this program: Is complete fairy tale of deranged propaganda showing German central planets, with USA and China main colonists of Space.  Nyet, nyet, nyet, Mr. Whedon, this is laughable premise:  XA XA XA !!!   Everyone knows is Soviets who will prevail and settle space for better good of all mankind and bringing socialist harmony.  When is time for man to create base on Mars, it will be from socialist glory and work, not decadent capitalist blood money and advertising stickers.

And proof for this is plain as nose on face,  EVEN NOW, NASA SHUTTLE ATLANTIS IS CARRY OUT HER FINAL MISSION for Americanski Space Program!  And is only two more missions planned for ANY Americanski Shuttles:  Discovery to fly in September and Endeavor is last in November.  After November, all western astronauts will be left as beggar in streets of capitalist cities like London, and must seek transport from glorious Russian Space Agency in order to reach International Space Station.

But not to worry!  We will not leave our poor American cousins standing with thumbs out in Baikonur Cosmodrome waiting for lift.  Nyet, we will graciously help poor Americans get to space station -- for now.  Their foolish leaders have willingly lowered United States back to rank of second rate space power like Kazakhs or Italians, just as in day when Soviet Union launched Sputnik and when Yuri Gagarin became first man in space one year after.  Gone is competitions between US and Soviet rockets.  Gone even is cooperative era of Soyuz-Apollo mission. Americans give good effort but is not capable of maintaining technology and will to be in space. So now Russia now stands athwart Space like a colossus - but always with open hands to help others in spirit of sharing.

Americans once were fearless pioneers of space -- fearless in following lead set by Soviet Union in 1960 and '61.  Following even heroic Soviet dog, Laika, who is going in space before Americans. The destruction of Challenger and Columbia are testament to bravery.  Since turn of century, however, NASA has lost nerve.  Attitude today is, "Oh, no!  Third auxiliary backup toaster is broken.  Launch must be postponed."  If Russian spacecraft gets broke, cosmonauts fix with twine and chicken wire, no problem, and go. Is difference between Capitalists and Socialists: Capitalists are lazy and always looking to buy solution to problem.  But Socialists are resourceful and can manage to fix their way out of trouble with ingenuity and common sense. For decades, Americans led own space missions; but now impoverished and cowardly heads at NASA will relegate brave Americanski astronauts to being mechanics and like Uzbeki repairmen: changing batteries in Space Station.  Is sad.


до свидания до следующего времени, капиталистов!

Oh, Henry! Iranian Headache

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There has been quite a lot of commotion about the recent agreement by the government of the Republic of Iran to ship 1200 kilograms of low-enriched Uranium to Turkey, bringing it into compliance with the Atomic Energy Agency’s October agreement negotiated by the U.S., Russia, France and Iran.

The delay compliance by the Iranians is not accidental. Waiting these six months has ensured that they can ship the specified amount of uranium and still have enough in stock from which to construct an atomic device.  Further, they are retaining the right to continue to enrich uranium for future use.

This is not surprising at all. Let me tell you, as someone who has experience dealing with the Arabic mind, that they are among the most treacherous maniacs on earth.  Every word they say has at least three meanings, and a few hidden ones. They are filled with malice and will never turn their backs on an opportunity to make a deal to their advantage.

The problem with dealing with Arabs is that they are a race of cheats, con artists, and scoundrels. Fraud and swindling are as much a genetic trait in them as is their oily nature and unsettling smiles. Not only that, they use the fact that they are innately repulsive to everyone to help them gain the upper hand.  So although they are finally acquiescing to the letter of the original agreement, they are doing so in a way they know the west cannot accept, thus allowing them to appear the victimized party – brutally oppressed by the never-satisfied western powers.

In the absence of a military reprisal, the only tool available to the international coalition is economic.  And applied successfully, sanctions could be quite effective against the Iranians. They are people that do not do well with privation. They are spoiled, greedy, materialistic, and addicted to the gaudy trappings of status. Take away their ability to buy Gucci sunglasses or French colognes and suddenly you’ll find them quite conciliatory. But that won’t happen as long as the Russians and Chinese keep the tap open to designer handbags and Italian loafers.

But the real work here will be with the Brazilians and Turks, who actually brokered this deal. These opportunistic lampreys must believe that this is their chance to make their bones on the international scene. The advantages for both are clear: Turkey will improve it’s standing in Europe and help it secure admission into the EU, while Brazil seeks to emerge as the power in South America.

So rather than waste time speaking with the Iranians, what the US, British, and French need to do is have more private negotiations with the Russians, Chinese, Turks and Brazilians. They still have some sway with Iran. For every one contact with Iran there must be five behind the scenes contacts with them. It’s vital to convince them it’s in their interest to not trade with the Iranians. One hand washes the other.

And the time is right.  These people will be completely preoccupied with the World Cup in June and July, and the last thing they'll want to do is sit for hours on end in sweltering rooms with swarthy, cuminy Iranians when they could be enjoying a game of soccer.  Diplomacy is the art of using the weaknesses of others against them. It's time to press our advantage.

Gehen Gazint!

Extreme Justice

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My fellow Americans,

Many of you may not be aware of a significant decision by the US Supreme Court today. In United States vs Comstock, the Supreme Court voted 7 -2 (with Justices Thomas and Scalia dissenting) that the federal government has the right to hold a person convicted of a federal sexual offense beyond the completion of their prison term if they are deemed to be a still be "sexually dangerous." According to the Justice Breyer (writing in the majority opinion),

[Congress has the right to enact laws] to punish [sexual criminals'] violation, to imprison violators, to provide appropriately for those imprisoned and to maintain the security of those who are not imprisoned by who may be affected by the federal imprisonment of others.

In other words, the federal government can keep someone in prison for as long as they want. Provided they claim he is still a danger.

Now, much of the legal gibberish in the actual decision involves requiring the federal authorities prove that the individual is still a threat and that releasing him would cause a threat to the community. On the surface, that seems to be in agreement with the spirit of the 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th amendments (all of which cover laws and legal rights).  But let's be real.  For all practical purposes what it does is allow the government to accuse, try, and convict a person of a crime they haven't yet done but may commit.  It's pre-emptive justice: you will be sentenced to an indefinite extension of your prison term because it is likely you will commit a crime in the future.

It's beautiful.  A sublime act of Orwellian philosophical gymnastics. The government will proactively convict people on their potential to commit crime in order to protect the innocent rubes out there. Oh sure, some of the liberals may yowl about freedom, due process, and fascism, but nobody will take them seriously.  The Orthogonians will support it because it's about protecting them from sex-crazed perverts looking to repeatedly sodomize their children and use them for other unspeakable pleasures of the flesh.  Oppression is easy if you can sell it as protection.  Remember, the nazis didn't come into power by the muzzle of a gun, they did so by exploiting fear.

The more I think about this ruling the more I like it. And I mean I like it a lot.  It's a good Nixon ruling, and I only wish this would have been decided back in '68.  Think of what I could have done. I could have used the DOJ as my own personal hit-squad ensuring compliance of the press and keeping the radicals on the left in line by tossing them in the hoosgow because of the problems they might cause. My enemies list would have become a court docket for immediate prosecution. It's the exact system the Soviets and the Chinese had at their disposal to keep their people in line.  And it worked.  Hell, all I would have needed is a couple of shrewd Jew lawyers to help out John Dean, and we could have really cleaned house, throwing the radical hippies, treacherous intellectuals, and militant negroes in jail simply by showing they could commit crimes.  There would have been no Watergate hoopla because we wouldn't have been forced to go underground to take care of the problem.  All we'd have needed to do was grab Woodward & Bernstein, a few of those pinkos in congress, and other rabble-rousers and put them away.

Oh, if only I was born 40 years later.

Nixon Approves

Happy Hour: Oil's Well That Ends Well

Te.

Cheers!

You can count me as one of New Orleans' biggest fans.  I've long appreciated the sweaty charm of the Big Easy.  Many is the time I've spent lost weekends in it's dusky embrace, bathed in the spicy musk of creole sensuality and alcohol-fueled enthusiasm.

So, naturally, seeing the area once again be threatened with a devastating disaster is very difficult for me to take.  The only time one should smell petroleum in New Orleans is if you pay good money for the privilege.

Make no mistake, the spill need not have been this bad.  While in the Senate, I was one of the most fervent voices for regulating the oil industry  - but a procession of Republican presidents and congresses disagreed,  result in BP getting approval to drill in the Gulf of Mexico without the required Environmental Impact Assessment study, or commitments to safety and redundant back-up systems in case of accident.  You know, the kind of hands-off approach the Republican Party support in their "Drill, Baby, Drill" zeal.

Not surprisingly, conservatives are now stumbling over themselves to try and gain some level of distance between themselves and their greasy monster, while others are spouting the Orwellian claim that somehow this is the fault of the Democrats and President Obama – going so far as to call this “Obama’s Katrina” as if the two events had anything in common aside from geography.  The absurdity is astonishing.  How Hurricane Katrina in 2005 parallels with the current situation is something even a dozen or so belts of whiskey doesn’t explain.  The Hurricane was a disaster that directly impacted the city and it’s residents, demanding swift federal response in terms of emergency, health, evacuation, and housing support.  The oil spill requires none of these, yet even so Obama and the government are monitoring the situation and have offered support as needed.

The Bush administration's inactivity during Hurricane Katrina showed them to be completely over-matched and unprepared.  Although it was known well before landfall that Katrina would be a devastating storm, there were no preliminary efforts made by the federal government to have some sort of support or emergency response contingency in effect.  When the storm hit and the nation watched a city drown before their eyes Bush did his best impression of Nero, picking and strumming a guitar with a total disregard for the people suffering.   It was only a week after the fact that Bush arrived in New Orleans for a few clumsily staged photos trying to make him seem engaged and concerned.

Yet still the republican wags are blaming Obama for not donning his cape and using his super-powers to stop the leak himself.  It’s almost as if they are calling for the federal government to step in, take over for the company, and handle every aspect of the containment and clean-up – from the cost to the manpower.  These are the same people who yowled like stuck pigs at the idea of the government providing healthcare to those unable to get it for themselves.

But even more amazing is how the right are suddenly using Katrina as a pejorative, after claiming (with a straight face) that Bush did nothing wrong.  How can the perfectly acceptable actions of Bush during the hurricane suddenly be held as some sort of low-water mark for Obama?  Can it be that even republican expectations for Bush were so low that his not visibly pissing his pants and drooling on television was considered successful?

In any case, this disaster has had at least one bright side:  it’s caused  Sarah Palin to go into hiding.

Bottums Up!

Here Comes The Judge

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My fellow Americans,

President Obama has nominated his second Supreme Court Justice today, United States Solicitor General Elena Kagan.

Now, selecting a Supreme Court Justice is almost entirely a political thing - pandering to your supporters and extending influence into the Judicial branch.  But it's also about paying off political loan sharks and balancing the books on unspoken deals made over handshakes and whispered promises. This was particularly true for me during my presidency.

You need to realize that getting nominated for president in 1968 was very different than today. There were only a handful of open primaries and most of the delegates needed in the convention were awarded through seedy deals made in small, dark rooms filled with sweaty men chomping on cigars, knocking back slugs of bourbon, and telling jokes about Jews and Blacks. These repulsive swine were small-minded men with selfish agendas who would deliver the necessary delegates but only if you agreed to repay at an astronomical vig.  I had to supplicate myself in front of these cheap hustlers, hat in hand, and make a lot of promises - particularly to a group of racist old ward-heelers from the south.  And when it came time for me to name my first supreme court justice, these yowling rednecks demanded repayment.

I knew that the sort of person a Klansman like Strom Thurmond wanted as Supreme Court Justice would be anathema to the rest of the country.  So, I would nominate a Bircher, Clement Haynsworth, or a repulsive hack like G. Harold Carswell, knowing full well that they would be rejected by the senate.  But the hayseeds and bumpkins couldn't complain, because I had tried to give them one of their own.  That was the Nixon way.  Game the system by following the letter of the agreement but not the spirit.

It's through that sort of prism we must view President Obama's recent nominee.  While he didn't have to face the degradation of kowtowing to a gang of ruthless thugs, he still had to make a pack of promises. So, which debt does Kagan pay off?

At first glance, Kagan seems to be a very shrewd choice to address the concerns of the Orthogonians in the middle of America.  A dowdy old lawyer with an all-American story of achieving success.  Since she's not a judge she has no track record of decisions that opponents can use against her. About the worst that could be said about her is that she seems very much a Franklin; a pointy-headed Dean of Harvard Law school who sits in an overstuffed leather chair, parsing out the subtleties and nuance of legal philosophy.

There is little doubt that she'll be confirmed.  The Democrats will force a vote before the mid-term elections, guaranteeing that they have the support needed to pass her through.  It's a safe pick with a safe strategy.

The thing is, however, Obama will have at least one more nomination before the 2012 election.  Justice Ginsburg is in ill health, and likely to retire after the next session.  Had I been in Obama's position, I would have made a more bold choice for this nominee, especially knowing I had the votes needed to confirm.  Save the safe pick for next year when you may need it.  Because from here on out, things will only get more contentious.  Particularly when/if he gets to replace one of the Raging Right: Scalia, Alito, Roberts, or Thomas.

That's when the real fun starts

 

Nixon is: Contemplative  

Mexican Standoff

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My fellow Americans,

As the protests and reactions to anti-Illegal Immigrant legislation in Arizona continue to swirl the lawyers are now getting ready to argue whether or not the law is constitutional.  If you stop and think about it, the fact that a law making illegal immigrants illegal may itself be illegal is kind of ironic.

The actual legislation has plenty of problems, and is most likely going to be struck down by the courts. Not only does it appear that it will encourage institutionalized racial profiling, but the provision mandating investigation of immigration status seems to violate the protection against unwarranted search and seizure guaranteed by the 4th amendment, quite probably rendering the law unconstitutional.

But let’s be honest with ourselves.  This law was never really about addressing Illegal Immigration.  There are already more than enough laws about illegal immigration on the books. This law is about whipping the flag-sucking dunderheads into a frenzy by telling them that it’s necessary to protect our sovereignty.  It’s just a shiny piece of foil dangled in front of a group of retards.  It plays on their latent fears and draws their attention while letting them raise a righteous anger and drape themselves in patriotic slogans.  More than that, it assures them that things are not their fault.  It’s because of the other guy.  In other words, it’s another ploy to make the Orthogonians feel like they are being victimized.

And it’s as old as time itself.  The ancient Hittites would constantly complain about those un-cultured Assyrians.  The Romans used the Gauls as their whipping boy.  The Soviets would scapegoat the filthy and lazy Uzbeks.  And back in the 1800's we had the Irish and the Italians.  And now we have the Mexicans.

It’s a subtle political strategy I used throughout my political life. I knew that the boogeyman of communism is fine, but it’s a conceptual threat.  It’s not real. Not tangible.  So, I also used real scapegoats, like hippies and civil rights activists.  Real threats that the Silent Majority can see, hear, and smell.  And just like hippies and civil rights activists, Mexicans are a good release for the inherent Prejudice and Fear of the Orthogonians.  Someone real on whom we can blame all our problems.  The economy stinks?  Well it’s because the Mexicans are taking all the jobs.  Healthcare is broken?  It’s because the Mexicans are flooding the emergency rooms without paying.  Too many drugs?  It’s because the Mexicans are pushing dope.  Teen pregnancy?  Those hot-blooded Mexicans are sexing up our daughters.  Traffic? All the damn Mexicans on the roads.  Global warming?  Well, Mexicans eat a lot of beans, which causes them to fart, which increased greenhouse gasses.

You get the picture.

And it works. We conservatives have always been able to solidify our base by manufacturing a common enemy, then using it as a way to scare the feeble-minded into supporting us. It’s the political analogy of the second law of thermodynamics. In physics kinetic energy increases in proportion to entropy.  In politics, power increases in proportion with fear.

Which brings us back to the Arizona law.  This law was written with the 2010 mid-term elections in mind, and was intentionally designed to fail.  The Orthogonians out there waving their flags and shouting patriotic platitudes are just sheep, bleating along in their willful ignorance as they’re herded by the GOP.  And when this law is overturned the republicans intend to convert the anger of the rubes into votes against the liberals who coddle  immigrants.

Manipulation never goes out of style.  Because there will never be a shortage of nincompoops out there.

Nixon Approves

The Silence of the Dopes

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My fellow Americans,

Today I’d like to take a moment to talk to all of you about silence.

Some say that silence is golden.  Others say it’s a virtue.  While still others claim it’s the best way to avoid confirming one’s idiocy in the mind of others.

It seems that someone on Semi-Governor Palin’s team must truly believe the latter, because our plucky little functionally retarded conservative crusader has been conspicuously absent from the news for the last week or so.

Which is strange, because this last week has seen a growing environmental disaster from the oil spill in the gulf of Mexico, increasing agitation over Arizona’s illegal immigrant law, and an attempted terrorist car-bombing in New York’s Times Square.  And someone who wants to be taken seriously as a potential candidate for president dreams of exactly these sorts of situations, so they can capitalize on the opportunity to make the people see them as a strong, calm, and dependable leader.

Back in the mid 60’s, when I was carefully preparing my candidacy for the 1968 presidential election, there was no end to these opportunities.  Race riots were flaring up seemingly every weekend.  The war in Vietnam was beginning to become more and more a disaster.  The college kids were spreading subversion in the form of free love and drugs.  And whenever anything boiled over Nixon was there.  You didn’t see me running for cover like a frightened schoolgirl.  I was always ready to offer a word or advice or analysis, and this added a veneer of leadership to my persona that helped make the Orthogonians see me as slightly less unlikeable.

Unfortunately, these are also situations in which the less capable can destroy any aspirations they have, the way George Romney's presidential bid was ended after he muffed questions about Vietnam in '67.  And as we all saw from her unscripted interviews with Katie Couric, little Sarah-Plain-and-Small is perhaps the least capable public figure around.  In fact, having her speak would be inviting disaster.  I think, perhaps, that Sarah’s handlers realize that the best strategy is to keep her hidden. Her strength is name-calling and fear-mongering, not calm, measured reassurance.  Besides, what could she say?  That even though the Bush administration deregulation of oil companies she preaches in her "Drill, Baby, Drill!" sermons helped make the disaster in the gulf worse, opening the coasts for an orgy of speculation is still a good thing? Even worse, she would very likely burble something almost completely incoherent while winking at the camera like a boozed up skank at last call, desperate for a one-night stand.

So, perhaps in this case Sarah’s silence is a good idea.  Not only does it prevent us further confirming our suspicions about her idiocy, it also gives us all a good break from the Wasilla Half-Wit.

Nixon is: Ambivalent

Kruschev's Korner: Is All Greek To Me

 Gree.

Good morning, Comrades and also Imperialists,

Today I am very sad about situation in Greece.  Greece is, as you know, second cradle of civilization after Kiev.  Many good ideas come from Greece, and is also source of raw material for Great Soviet Cyrillic Alphabet, as well as source of word "alphabet."

Now Greeks are in bolshoi mess because of borrow money from decadent Capitalists and cannot pay back. Why to pay back?  Only to borrow more from same Capitalists and buy and sell with them.  West makes lending only for profit.  Is never to help Greeks! We offer better alternative: scientifically proven superior model of production called Marxism

Treacherous Germans are saying Greeks are being lazy bums who know not how to save money. We Russians can better teach them how is save money.  When Krushchev was poor metal worker in Eastern Ukraine city of Yuzovka I had not two kopeks to rub together for warmth in winter.  Then Comrade Stalin encourage everyone to save and scrimp in order to  build glorious Soviet Industrial base.  He encourage with bayonets and KGB.  When I became Premier, budget was tight an American Military Complex was making for Soviet Union to spend more every year to protect of our sovereign nation from American aggression.  I used clever Ukrainian common sense and saved money by to rely on missiles for Soviet defense instead of tanks and planes.  Missiles more efficient than build many tanks and aircrafts.  Maybe not every missile worked, but was always great deterrent.  Imperialist Americans could not bear thought that even one of mighty Soviet missiles might actually find target and blow up.  Even better, my strategy worked like brilliant and forced Kennedy to remove Americanski missiles from Turkey and so eliminated threat to Soviet Union.

Da, we can teach our brothers the Greeks great lesson that is very bad idea to just borrow borrow borrow always from Western Capitalists. But will be hard road for us in teaching Greeks.  Today, Greeks are lazy like good-for-nothing Uzbeks, and must learn importance of work!  Is no good all day to drinking ouzo and play briscola.  In Soviet Union everyone must contribute!  Even stari babushki did work - if only to sweep sidewalks in Red Square - everyone always has duty to contribute to Soviet glory.  We teach this important lesson to Albania, and if Albanian can learn then so can Greek.  After all, who can think Albanians are better or smarter than Greeks?

So you see, question is not "Shall Greeks Tighten Belts?"  but  "For Why Shall Greeks Tighten?"  For self-righteous Germans?  For self-serving Dutch? For double-dealing English and unreliable French?  For organs of Capitalist Imperialism such as IMF that is only love money?  Are Greeks supposed to be mules and do their bidding?

My friends, the answer is "Nyet!"  Greek is not even allow himself to be ruled by another Greek.  How then could they submit to whip of Western running dogs?  Even now, Greeks show anger and are protesting in the streets.  Soon they will remove current Greek puppet government of Capitalist stooges and join glorious Eastern bloc family.  We shall show them how to sacrifice for benefit only of Greece!

Also, Greece have many good ports large enough for mighty Soviet Navy.

до свидания до следующего времени, капиталистов!

Tin Soldiers and Nixon Coming

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My fellow Americans,

I wanted to speak to you today, on the 40th anniversary of the unfortunate incidents that occurred on Kent State University.

Now, some have asked whether I feel any personal responsibility for what happened 40 years ago. To them I say that I wasn't the one who called in the agitators and militant demonstrators.  I wasn't the one who chose to violate the law by assembling in an illegal manner.  And I wasn't the one who provoked the National Guard.  The words I said then still apply today: when dissent turns to violence, it invites tragedy.

Still there are some who continue to think that the actual cause of that event was the negative rhetoric I and other republicans used from the mid-60's through my election in 1968.  Well, if that’s true, then the entire political process should be held to scrutiny, because the very DNA of political campaigns is a tightly wound double helix of demonizing your opponent and exploiting the Terror and Outrage within the populace.

We republicans understand the power of Fear at a cellular level, which is why you’ll continue to hear our candidates portray the other guys as un-American monsters, who have nothing less in their hearts than the ultimate destruction of our Pure lifestyle.  It doesn’t matter if it was me in the late ‘60’s painting the intellectuals, civil rights activists and the anti-war faction as being a real and imminent threat to society, or today’s candidates snidely questioning Obama’s citizenship, or insinuating that Democrats will allow unwashed packs of wild-eyed muslim fanatics to rape our young boys then sell their spent carcasses for opium.  The game hasn’t changed.

But, as Kent State showed, it takes more than exploiting Fear.  Not only do you have to demonize the other side, you have to make sure that the Orthogonians are complicit in any actions taken to act on that Fear. Distort and lie. Create a fictive boogeyman to menace the security of the rubes, and portray yourself as the only one with either the ability or balls to stand up to it. Fear drives power much better than hope, and people will gratefully accept the most unthinkable atrocities if you scare them enough. After all, a few napalmed children or massacred students is a pretty cheap price to pay to protect a freezer full of TV dinners and a new patio set.  And just like an abusive alcoholic who beats his wife because she "made him do it," one must never forget to blame the victims.  Because, once the dust settles and the bodies are exposed, it’s critical that you assure the straights that those now suffering deserve their fate.  The National Guard would never have fired if those long-haired pinkos had just stayed home and relaxed in their barca loungers.

So, the next time you see one of those massive teabag rallies just remember that the politicians whipping up the Hysteria and Fear with their inflammatory speeches aren’t to blame. They’re just doing what politicians have done since the very beginning. No, the fault lies with the dimwits and cretins who believe all the paranoid gobbledygook about a secret socialist cabal within the government with plans to round up the white Christian men for service in salt mines, while the women are carted off to be pleasure toys for hyper-libidinous Arabs. After all, propaganda only works if the simpletons believe it. 

Nixon is: Sanctimonious

The Marching Morons

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My fellow Americans,

Today I'd like to take a brief moment to open up to you about something that has really been chafing my hide: the annoying practice shown by the extreme right-wing elements (such as the tea people) to make it a point to portray President Obama being a socialist, only to then (often in the same breath, or in the same poster), associate him with Hitler.

Now, I know some of you may be wondering whether Nixon has gone soft. I want to make it absolutely clear that is not the case.  I know the value of painting someone with a brush of lies, and I support any and all efforts to that end.  But even within the libel, distortion, and blatantly outrageous defamation of a political campaign, there has to be at least a level of consistency in order to make them plausible.

So, this trend of simultaneously calling Obama both a Socialist and Fascist within one breath is not only grotesquely embarrassing, but also shows a stunning ignorance.

Here's a perfect example:

I'll just give you a moment to allow the utter idiocy of labeling an image of Obama with three Communist icons "Fascism" to sink in.

I know. The ignorance here is pretty alarming. How can Obama be both a Communist and a Fascist at the same time?  That's like saying he's both wet and dry. Communism and Fascism are a zero-sum game.  You're either one or the other.  Choose a side and stick with it.

Now, I know that I should be the bigger man in this case and just let it go.  But that's not the Nixon way.  I was never the bigger man. I based my entire political life on not being the bigger man, and making sure to exaggerate every irritant, offense, and inaccuracy no matter how insignificant or inadvertent.  In fact, I was the smallest man of all - which allowed me to be so effective in my slander, character assassination, and manipulation of the truth to whip the ignorant masses into a frenzy. Remember, I was the one who raised Communist-baiting and treasonous innuendo to an art form.  And, I think I know something of the difference between Communists and Fascists.

So, allow me to offer a quick primer to all of those morons out there who continue to remain confused, because it is pretty simple, actually.  Communists are extreme leftists.  Fascists are extreme rightists.  Left/Democrat = Communist.  Right/Republican = Nazi.  How people can be such blithering idiots as to mess that up astounds me, and leads me to wonder what sort of difficulty they have in putting on their shoes in the morning.  As a leftist, Obama should be portrayed as Stalin, Lenin, Che, or Castro.  And, as the counterpoint, rightists such as Sarah Palin should be portrayed as Hitler, Mussolini, or as a stormtrooper for the SS.

Besides, the whole idea of Obama as a Nazi simply flies in the face of reason.  Nazis are about racial, cultural, spiritual, and national purity.  So it's pretty asinine to portray a mulatto as the leader of such a movement.  No, the people who represent the Nazi ideals are those who preach hatred and intolerance of others - Birchers and reactionaries like Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, or Jan Brewer.  A good Nazi wants to eliminate those who don't conform to their racial/cultural/religious standards (through imprisonment, deportment, or execution), not one who wants to open the borders to everyone or provide government-sponsored healthcare and assistance! To give a simple example, the Arizona anti-Illegal Immigrant law is fascist, while those amnesty laws would be Communist.

So painting Obama as Hitler is just stupid.  He is not Hitler.  Besides, do you think those fiercely conservative militias out there, with Swastikas and Nazi-inspired slogans and artwork decorating their remote clubhouses in the wilderness, and who preach their white power and anti-government liturgy want a black man as their figurehead?  Think about it.

It honestly makes me wonder about the intelligence of the right.

It's more and more apparent that people are simply not as well-educated today as they were even 20 years ago.  Particularly, I am ashamed to say, republicans.  Now I know that we republicans were always less intelligent than democrats - but that gap is widening.  And with every day and every new display of right-wing propaganda that gap is more and more evident. Of course I realize that when trying to get the support of the Orthogonians one has to dumb things down considerably.  Aiming for a 5th grade education is about correct for the dingbats and nitwits who make up the republican base.  But even then, one doesn't have to be Sarah Palin and go full retard.  You can still hit the lowest common denominator while maintaining simple factual accuracy.  The accusations of Obama being a socialist are perfect for the nincompoops out there who have no idea what socialism actually is (i.e. the tea people).  And while the claim that Obama is a socialist is obviously false, at least it falls within a broadly appropriate tautological application.

The worst part is that this whole confusion of Socialist, Communist, and Fascist makes us (the real and true republicans) seem just as stupid as the tea people.  And Nixon can not abide that.

Nixon Disapproves