Whore: A Definition by Example

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My fellow Americans,

There are very few things that can make me turn my head and fight the primitive reaction to vomit in disgust.  Student protests are one.  Smug, pompous, privileged, Harvard-educated Franklins are another.

But sadly, neither of those things is the cause today.  I've just found that one of those miserable Palin kids will be on some saccharine television program preaching the importance of abstinence (I can't recall her name - something like Bottlecap, or Whiplash.  Anyway, she's the unwed high-school mommy).

For a moment, lets leave aside the incredible hypocrisy of using a girl who spread her legs like butter on toast to tell others to not give in to their throbbing biological urges.  This is yet another example of Caribou Barbie's ludicrous insincerity in terms of using her mewling spawn as fodder for her political ambitions, while at the same time loudly wailing whenever any of her litter is then mocked by the press.

Now, I understand the need to employ an aggressive campaign strategy by constantly attacking a straw-man, and the need to adopt creative means to maintain some semblance of public attention while not in office.  However, my choice of straw-men were hidden communists, and my choice of maintaining public attention was to continue to bolster my already impressive foreign relations experience by taking trips around the world to visit different leaders and further reinforce the perception that Nixon is a man who understands what is Really Going On.  Something a vapid backwater semi-governor who somehow equated proximity to a foreign country with foreign policy might consider.  But what I would never do is pimp out my daughter, Tricia, for the cameras and gain exposure vicariously through her.  Unlike candidate Milf, I have limits to my degradation.

When I consider what has happened to the once proud Republican party - the party of Teddy Roosevelt and Ike - it makes me more depressed than the summer of '76 when I spent my days all alone, wandering along the beaches of San Clemente, collecting bits of washed up seaweed and wishing I had another chance at how to tackle the whole Watergate thing.

Nixon is: Revolted

Confusion

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My fellow Americans,

There has been something that has been bothering me recently.  It's the spate of shockingly contradictory statements and actions most often voiced by otherwise sensible people.

Take, for example, Samantha Bell, the daughter of Joseph Stack (the terrorist that slammed his small plane into the IRS building in Austin, TX).

Evidently, this poor woman is a mess.  On the one hand, she calls her father a hero for doing what he did:

"Yes [he is a hero]. Maybe now people will listen [...] I think too many people lay around and wait for things to happen, but if nobody comes out and speaks up on behalf of injustice then nothing will ever be accomplished."

Without a hint of betraying the complete incongruity, she then said that what he did was wrong. Further (and even more disturbing and indicative of a new spoiled, entitled attitude I usually associate with effetes who summer in Hyannis Port ... you know, Franklins) she contradicts her statement with her actions, as she goes on to describe how she had to leave the United States in mid pregnancy for the much more socialist country of Norway because Medicaid would not take care of her.

It's difficult for me, a man who tends to agree with her small-government ideology, to reconcile the fact that she then betrays that belief by going to a land where the government manages healthcare.  And I'm somewhat an expert in compromising my morals, ethics, beliefs, and integrity in order to make a point.

My fellow Americans, is this the best we can do?  Is this poor display of incompetent thought what conservative philosophy has degraded to?

Even worse, she seems to agree with the idea of her father taking action against the IRS.  That is something I could never condone.  Violence against a government agency is terrorism, as sure as if it were done by Carlos the Jackal or Yassir Arafat.  Besides, in my day the IRS was a very valued government insitute.  It served me as a very strong weapon in my attempt to battle my enemies.

It wasn't like this in my day.  It wasn't like this at all.

Nixon Disapproves