Spying for/on Dummies

Spying .
My fellow Americans,

It seems our intrepid semi-Governor Sarah Palin has completed her testimony in the case of the miserable little liberal punk who hacked into her unsecure Yahoo email account. 

The question isn't whether this pinko is guilty, but rather of the manner and extent of punishment this twerp deserves.

As someone who knows a thing or two about undercover surveillance, allow me to offer my perspective: This brat should be punished fully and completely. Oh, not because he hacked Palin's email. After all, part of the political game is intelligence and operating on the edge of ethics and law.  In order to have the advantage over any adversary one needs as much information on them as possible. And if you need to creep into an office under the cover of night and bug the campaign headquarters of a rival in order to learn more about them, well, that's just the price of doing business.

No.  The reason this irritating bastard should be shown no mercy is because of the clumsy manner in which he gained access to Palin's email.  Even more, because he did so and didn't even make the slightest attempt to cover his tracks.

Before embarking on any sort of operation of this nature one needs to take the time to properly lay the groundwork.  Among the things that must be considered are whether you have the proper personnel in place to conduct the mission with competence.  Even more important is to ensure that you cover every possible contingency in case of error or discovery.  Did this kid have any sort of alibi ready, or even some cover story to provide credible deniability?  What about something - carrot (in the form of hush money) or stick (in the form of assassins) - to make sure that all persons involved remain loyal? Or, at the very least, a plausible scapegoat or willing fall-guy who could take the heat so the Boss doesn't get tossed into the slammer. I was meticulous in my pre-game preparation.  I made sure I had the right pieces on the board before I launched the mission, and even gave them a cool name: The Plumbers.  Liddy provided the stern hand and blind brutality required to make sure the others stayed in line.  Bebe Rebozo secured a very deep slush fund in case we had to grease any palms or buy any cooperation.  And my Bobs were there, ready to not only swear to my innocence, but also willing to take a bullet if it came to that.

And even with all my careful strategy things went wrong.  So the level of audacity and hubris in this kid is simply stunning.  It's as if he didn't even think this through.  A lethal error on his part, and one that needs to be met with a dear enough cost so that he won't make the same mistake in planning the next time he tries something like this.

Of course, Palin is not without some level of blame in this mess.  After all, anyone involved in even the lowest rung of political battle should be savvy enough to realize you simply do not use an open line for communication.  The fact that she was so mind-bogglingly stupid is reason enough to consider her ill-equipped for the office of the President.

Nixon Disapproves