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Kruschev's Korner: Christmas is Red!

S Rozhdestvom y Novym Godom, tovarichi - and Happy New Year to Workers under Capitalist Masters, also!

I have just returned from bolshoi vacation in celebration of revolutionary new year of 2011 and glorious party for most socialist of holidays, Christmas!

Da, is pravda! Christmas is Marxist holiday proving by science and irrefutable Russian logic. Think for minute about what is Christmas: Christmas is to portray as time when man wearing brilliant red suit redistributing wealth among workers and proletariat. Even famous Imperialist British writer, Charles Dickens makes clear how Christmas is socialist in very long book is name Christmases Carols. Not as good as Soviet novel, but still a strong moral tale of dedicated and noble worker Bob Cratchit and son Tiny Tim (who is being deformed in capitalist factory) having ultimate triumph over evil Ebeneezer Scrooge, who comes to eventual realization of superiority and equality of socialism as how for saving his soul.

Even in corrupt United States is populist Christmas understood and rejoicing. Of course, Americans are confused about proper day for Christmas. Is not on December 25 from Vatican propaganda says.  No, poor Americans.  Christmas is actually on January 7, according to proper calendar based in history and accurate Orthodox reading of Bible.  In Russia we know real meaning of holiday is for enjoying much happiness and with family. For this, we have one long celebration, from New Year's Eve to Jan 7th. Everyone to go outside and practice skating and hockey. All peoples are together in equality of wonderful Socialism and there is much rejoicing. It is for this reason that Russian Governement allows Christmas celebration -- and not for drain money from pockets of peasants and workers. But Americanski is wrongly changing meaning of Christmas by making too much of buying and spending all their money on status-symbol gifts, and turn Christmas into profiteering and benefit of overseers and bourgeoisie at expense of proletariat.

Also, decadent capitalist are to forgetting about meaning of Christmas with perverting name to "Xmas" as if is salacious exploitation movie for debauchery and moral shortcoming for depraved Uzbeks.

Xmas? Nyet, comrade. Christmas is not about peddling flesh and getting prostitute for degenerate sex.

Sad, backward Americans, always for trying and trick People instead of embrace real message of Christmas. Is like old Russian saying: "Us v chest a boroda i u kozla yest" which is mean, A moustache is be making respected but even goat will wear beard!

Certain Western Economists in fit of jealousy and trying to bury wonderful Marxist origin of Christmas have been to critisize our weeklong national holiday, saying this is being to weaken powerful Russian economy and placing us two weeks behind other nations' production. Their backseat driving is silly nonsense. As in spirit of Socialism and placing good of state over individual, all workers simply work harder in final two weeks of January month!

Is understandable misconception by Western stooges: lazy Americans think that nothing will be accomplished unless workers are slave for corporate barons on job six days a week. Is remind me of joke popular in days after I left top job in CCCP. Someone will ask question of what is difference between Capitalist Hell and Soviet Hell? Here is answer: in Capitalist Hell, demon in top-hat and monocle drive eight centimeter nail into your ass every day at 8 AM, and after one month have 30 nails. In Soviet Hell, first ten days of month is no nails on shelf, so no driving. Next nine days, manager demon is in committee meetings discussing productivity and goal for next month. Next five days, worker demons are out sick. Next five days after, hammer is broken and new one must be procured. But on thirtieth day, all thirty nails are driven in.

See?  So is just the same.

до свидания до следующего времени, капиталистов!


Regularjoe said...

Brilliant post Comrade. it made me jealous in ways most unCommunist.

Nikita Kruschev said...

Spasiba, tovarisch! It is many hours of working but always worthwhile for people.

Please keep enjoying many more good articles from What Would Nixon Do.

Do svidaniya, comrade.