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Sticks and Stones

My fellow Americans,

It seems that modern politicians have much more freedom in expressing themselves once they've left office. Such as Dick Cheney's recent comments about President Obama.

After my term as Vice President ended, it was understood that once out of office I was supposed to hold my tongue in order to preserve some traditional form of dignity.  Well, I've always been a good soldier, and have always tried to do what is best for my party and my nation. So, even though I had to clench my teeth during that damned Kennedy's term, I kept my peace. Sure, I'd vent some of that anger by putting Pat in her place, or shooting songbirds, but I never made a speech complaining of the Irish conspiracy that stole the election. The unexpected benefit was that it helped temper my steel into the finely honed blade that filleted McCarthy in '68.

But even if I were to have spoken up, I would have been very careful to never directly criticize the president. That's not my style.  It lacks subtlety or flair. Construct a strawman and then tear it to shreds is the Nixon way! At the very best, direct criticism just makes one look like they've spent their time away from public service harvesting a very large crop of sour grapes, and looking for all the world like a pathetic, bitter little man - possibly riddled with phelbitis.

Of course, Cheney was never subtle and could be the most petty and vengeful of people. I recall that he had some small function in my administration as a unrestrained mad dog, and even then we all found him to be far too abrasive. He always wore that sneer, and never understood the art of stabbing someone with a velvet glove. He also would release the most foul and eye-watering flatulence.

It saddens me to see someone like Cheney publicly wallowing in their anger. The course I chose was to allow all the bile and resentment to slowly ferment over time, turning me into an even more lethal and vindictive person. Turning me into the best damn Nixon I could be.

Nixon is: Sanctimonious